by Niall Douglas. Last updated . This page has been accessed 5,445 times since the 4th September 1998.
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Tuesday 1st September 1998: 9.10pm, urgh, I'm feeling poorly again! It's been one helluva weekend ... I'll try my best to remember (it's difficult!)
Thursday and Friday nights saw relations between me and Suzanna lessen in intensity somewhat. However, given that on Thursday night she could be swung round to passion, I figured that she must be finding things moving too quickly and was trying to put the brakes on. However, I also figured that she herself may not realise that she was doing this (as in why, rather than what). That said, until Friday night I didn't feel compelled to act, at which stage I arrived home after spending the night updating the tornado section and hardware sections at 10pm, to find myself in lots of trouble for being supposedly late.
Now, if you cast your mind back somewhat, say to last May, you'll remember that I declared that I shall be girlfriend-free for the next year, and one of the chief reasons is the inability in such situations to do and be where I want to when I want to without all this hassle. Best of all in this case was that she had assumed I would be back at 7pm although in fact I was coming home early specially. Last Friday I was actually on time.
Now I may sound a bit miffed about this, and that's because I am. I pointed this fact out to her to find it having no effect (women eh?). So now I wasn't best pleased, and stomped off somewhere if I remember. Even better, I had freed up Saturday to enable us to do something worthwhile, but of course she was on this restraint thing, and so wasn't sleeping round mine anymore, and so we couldn't sleep in together as (I thought) we had planned.
Needless to say, all this aggro on both sides led to a fun Saturday ...
Eventually I got pissed off, decided I wasn't sitting around wasting the day like this, and arranged to meet up with friends at 7.30pm. And of course, didn't she decide to try breaking the ice by feeding me just at that point? AGH!!!! (Niall is in severe frustration mode at this point, even getting worked up just thinking about it ...)
So I told her where to go (in a nice way of course), and buggered off for the night. In fact, I buggered off quite a distance - to Grantchester Meadows where an illegal rave was supposed to be on that night. So I walked miles and miles all the way there - found it wasn't on - and walked miles and miles all the way back. Cool night - everyone was pissed off, but I suppose at least the weather was reasonable. And besides, it was something kinda different to do.
So I awaken to a Sunday by a supposed mate buzzing me during my beauty hours. He was waiting for a pickup inside town and was speeding his tits off, and so was rather agitated with nothing to do (hence he calls on me you see). So we spent a few hours wandering around Cambridge, looking itinerent, drinking cans of beer (it's odd how people look at you when you do this - try it sometime) and smoking needless to say. I needed to do some business round someone's so I left at four to walk to my bike - only to be intercepted by the person in question which was cool as they then gave me a ride to their place (my legs hurt from the prior night y'see).
I got back to the Y around 6pm, had a shower and some food, and was about to go out again when who should come back from London but Suzanna herself. Since the prior day I had had some decent time to sit, smoke and think, and had a fair idea of what was wrong, but time was a-ticking, and I had to go, so I apologised and headed away.
I got back about 10pm, but I didn't get a chance to talk to Suzanna until pretty late that night. I sat her down, outlined what I thought was happening and why I thought that, to which she agreed, and then I posed the question "What do you want from me?" of whose answers could include "just for sex", "something to pass the time" etc. She said she needed to think about it and would tell me tomorrow (that being yesterday), and headed to bed. Which left me with a bit of a problem - I had necked a bit of speed that was going around in the pub that night and was now wide-awake and worse - I had very little to do. Also, I needed to be up reasonably early next morning to go to Notting Hill.
I got only four hours sleep that night in the end - at 9am Suzanna knocked on the door and we climbed into bed with each other (I had reminded her of what we had planned for the prior Saturday), and we had a really nice lie-in, even if neither of us slept ;) However, it wasn't a "proper" lie-in as I had to be out of bed for twelve, which I was (just), and after pre-rolling lots of spliffs we left Cambridge for London at around 2pm, which was a mistake as it turned out.
Notting Hill Carnival was good. I enjoyed myself - dancing along with the floats, speeding, coked up, stoned and drunk - however, a fair number of us didn't for some reason, citing reasons such as bad atmosphere and dislike of the way the floats kept moving (yeah, I know, that's a bit pedantic isn't it?). We stayed until about half nine when the last train began to loom and besides, the dissidents were really getting irritated and wanted desperately to go. Pity - I could have kept going - however, a bright spot is that now I know, and I can make the effort to be there earlier next year.
I got back to the Y for 1am, stayed up talking to Suzanna until 4am mainly as I was still fairly wide-awake, and that's pretty much where I am now. Not bad for three days eh - almost as good as uni life. Oh - that reminds me - watch that counter above even more, as the week starting the 18th is going to be pretty much jam-packed all the way through, much like this past weekend except worse! Watch it for when it comes ...
Anyway, on a closing note, me and Suzanna seem to be okay again - we had a long overdue talk about lots of pertinent things last night, which was cool. She, as I speak, is getting off her face (hence me being able to stay late like this), but I'll need to get moving soon to get some serious smoking done - I have to keep my tolerence up for only seventeen days now time when I'll need to smoke with the best of them. Hmm, 10.30pm - that's four hours of smoking before Suzanna comes back ... hmm, hmm ... ;)
Right, I'm off to do some email, then home, so in the meantime be happy - and keep watching that counter!
Friday 4th September 1998: 2.28pm, this will be the last proper entry until the counter above hits zero. I may get in the odd small entry in the meantime though - we'll see yet.
Last tuesday night went nicely, just stayed up, smoked and chatted. I didn't want to do much after all the amphetamines, cocaine, alcohol and smokes the day before, so it was nice to just kick back and relax. Wednesday night was more fun though - Suzanna told me to come home early for a steamy night, which I did, but she was feeling sick and her friend was having boyfriend troubles. So we sat, smoked and talked for a while, when Suzanna suddenly decided she now had energy and so we went for a shower together (well she did say a steamy night!). I've never had a shower with a woman before - only baths - and I must say I quite like it. Especially given Suzanna's fit shapely body with suds running down her curves ... mmm .... ;)
Anyway, that led on to more smokes and massages before sleep, and boy did we sleep good! However, the evening was slightly marred by an urgent message left for me by A and M with something to do about money (which I didn't get, if there was an inference at all). Obviously when given a choice between a hot soapy shower with a beautiful woman and sorting out some stupid perceived spat with overly-possessive friends, I think it's pretty sure which I'll choose. Which led on to last night ...
Let me quickly leave my current thread - for now I have no hair. Do you know why I have no hair? Probably because it got all shaved off. How did this happen? Well, a coked up speeding smackhead decided he was on a mission and lost me my hair for me, which was very kind of him. So how did I get into a room of people doing crack cocaine whilst speeding and toking brown?
Well, given these notes left for me, I called round last night only to be greeted with disdain as apparently I had promised to be certain places at certain times during the prior days. This I was not happy with, as I felt I had not promised anything. In fact, if anything, I felt there was a good case for jealousy of Suzanna. The reality is, if you add it up day by day, is that I spend as much time with them as I do Suzanna, and they simply don't like it. I told them tough.
Anyway, I had to go get some puff sorted, so I walked with M down to the bank to get money, then back out to the estates to visit an old friend of mine, J. Last time I had seen him was earlier this month when he had a healthy smack habit he was trying to go cold turkey on (this was last July), but this time I was understandably surprised to find a whole pile of shady people huddled round his table cutting up the crack ready to go into the burner. He had had an amount of amphetamines to stay awake - apparently this was quite a common event now. This combination of amphetamines, heroin and crack cocaine had had a strange effect on him - he was alert and awake whilst at the same time slow and sleepy. And he was definately on a mission - one of the first things he said when he saw my hair was to suggest I avail of his shaving skills to remove most of it. Well, guess that's speed for you ...
Getting back to the point ... after I left his, which was around 12-12.30am, I went back with M to M's and we sat and talked for a while about stuff. I eventually left at 2.30am, got back to the Y for 3am. Amazingly Suzanna was still awake and was in her room smoking with some of the Y crew, but by the time I got there she was pretty wasted. As she said to me that night, had I come home earlier she had been feeling really randy and we could have had a night of passion. I think that made me feel worse than her doing her nut about being late (again) ... good job Suzanna! ;)
So that's that then - we have fourteen days to go now before I move back into the Lawns on the 18th (shortly after which you'll get an update about what I've done to all these young nieve freshers - hahahaha!). Two weeks ... I leave Cambridge in about a week, so there may not be updates during that period as it's hard getting hold of a computer. However after that week I'm in Hull again and have access to the computer labs - hence there should be minimal updates at least.
So, until the next time I speak to you, best of luck, be happy, and see you soon. Remember: There be now fourteen days and counting to go before time ...
Monday 14th September 1998: 8.32pm, I'm typing on a really crappy keyboard here - this is almost worse than when I was using the Cambridge library terminals. I guess it's uni terminals for you ...
So what's been happening for the last ten days? Well, I left Cambridge last Thursday after a great night with Suzanna whom I now miss a lot. I spent the last few days after the last update pretty much preparing both mentally and organisationally for returning to Hull - doing the last smokes with various friends, spending time with people I won't be seeing again for a long time. I also had some fun with the salvia superba plant - I bought one, harvested its leaves and gave it a smoke - very pleasant smoke, smelt just like grass with a hint of skunk, but unfortunately I didn't get anything off it. Maybe I didn't use enough ...
On Friday I sat my first resit, it went very well, and I caught up with the various student union politicians. I also rang Suzanna, which was hard as I'm missing her a lot. It's going to be a very tough year without any relationships at all, but I must do it - there is too much at stake this year to muck it up again.
Since then though, it's been getting hectic again. I caught up with old Lawns friends on Friday night, got to bed for 5am; caught up with smoking friends on Saturday night, got to bed for only 3am after talking to Islamic housemates about the Quo'ran and its relevence to other religions; caught up with some other friends on Sunday night and didn't get to bed until this morning at 9am!!! Only been out of bed now for three hours ... hehehe ...
So as you can see, things are beginning to start again in earnest. I got the date for the counter above wrong (sorry!), so I've fixed it - I actually start normal life again on the 26th of September, not the 18th as I thought. Must have been stoned when I was calculating that ... anyway, I'm off to the bar now, so I'll write another update soon when I get a chance. Until then, be happy, and watch the counter ...
Wednesday 16th September 1998: 11.31am, yeah, I know it's early for me, and no, I haven't been up all night again! This morning I had my final exam, which is cool, so now I'm into second year and ready for another year of fun fun fun!!! Excellent ... I'm really happy, even if I'm completely knackered!
So what's been happening last few days? Well, I still haven't got to bed before 3am since I got here, so yeah you'd be right that the pace hasn't let off yet. Monday night I had a problem as (if you remember) I had slept all day Monday, so of course I couldn't get to sleep. After doing the last update I went back to my temporary accomodation and watched some movie about this rebel bloke who gave the Italians a bit of a run for their money around 1930 in some Islamic colony of theirs. Needless to say the local Muslims thought this movie was a great portrayal of Islam overcoming westerners even if the chappie got hanged at the end. Fair enough I felt, but I don't think they needed to shout and argue about the movie every yea minutes whenever the chappie said something apparently important. They seem to be a very passionate people - perhaps it's the lack of alcohol in their diet?
Speaking of alcohol, that's what happened yesterday. I wandered into uni around lunchtime, a good time of the day in my opinion to get out of bed, and after doing email and such I bumped into a fellow I know who is well known for his alcoholism. Needless to say I sat down and downed a few with him, which quickly became quite a lot, and before I knew it it was 11.30pm and I was back in his place. Hmm, going on seven hour drinking sessions I suppose is part of uni life but boy does it hit your pocket. I spent twenty quid yesterday, leaving me with only twenty now. Not good.
If you were reading last May, you may remember my little mission concerning the number of first years in university residences and the university's intention to introduce segregated living quarters based on whether you smoke or not - bearing in mind I'm typing in Notepad, I think the relevent entries were the 20th May 1998 and the 31st May 1998. Finally after the summer hiatus, I'm glad to say that things are moving positively again - I am meeting with the Pro-Vice-Chancellor, Acoomodation Officer and Residence and Catering Manager to discuss the smoking and first year problems next Monday. In the meantime, now that exams are out of the way, I need to concentrate on creating a case which will definately win them over. That I'll be doing pretty much as soon as I finish this update actually ... and once finished, I'll post what I've written here for the world to see. See what happens ...
On a final note, I was shocked to read this on a mailing list:
No insult to you, but the Swedish prohibitionists are much nuttier than you have thought or can think. They train their police to watch people for 'signs' of drug infuence (lip licking, innapropriate exhuberence, finger twiddling are amongst some of the 'signs') someone who projects the 'wrong' signals can then find themselves hurled against a wall while a flashlight is shone in their eyes to check pupil reaction. If the cop thinks they might be under the influence of a drug, they can be frog marched to the station for compulsory blood and urine tests. Young people are afraid of giving the 'wrong' signals and so try to hold an expression of neutral contentment. Rather like the body language the citizens of Oceania learned to use in George Orwells 1984. It is election time in Sweden and politicians are beating the drug war drum to win votes. They say the laws are too 'soft on drugs' and want the police to be given power to forcibly inject emetics into suspects. God help us if 'The Swedish Model' becomes accepted in the EU. The Swedes are putting a lot of money and effort into it.
As far as allies go, Barry Macaffrey, the US drug czar, has praised Swedish drug policy. In Europe, the French have been big allies of the Swedes, but are beginning to make heretical noises (as you pointed out, the draconian restrictions on alcohol the Swedes want will terrify the French). Finland will support Sweden in whatever drug war nuttiness they come up with. And, of course, Sweden is the driving force and paymaster behind ECAD (European Cities Against Drugs) which has a membersip of 180 European cities, including the City of London.
Well that's something to think about isn't it :( ... be happy ...
Wednesday 23rd September 1998: 3.55pm, whoah it's been a whole week! Sorry for not getting in an update sooner - I haven't had the time to be honest. It's been some week indeed ...
Since my exams have been finished, it's been pretty much a drink and smoke marathon. I've also had to move out of my temporary accomodation and on to the floor of my alcoholic friend's house, which of course means I've got to pretty much do what he does as I don't have any keys. This is annoying, mainly for my bank manager, and given my kidneys now hurt and I get shakes and sweats I figure this is life as an alcoholic ...
I can't remember actually most of what I've done this week. It's a bit of a blur. I do remember seeing Kathryn for the first time since before the summer, that was fun. She completely ignored me, I ignored her and that's been that since. She knows I've emailed her and if she doesn't want to reply, then I guess fine, she can go screw herself ...
I also remember meeting with the Vice-Pro-Chancellor which went well. I told him a fictional story about a chap named John who had a really bad year last year (well he died from an intentional overdose last February) and I think the message got through. I hope at least. And urm, other than me helping with International Fresher's week, I think that's all I can remember rightly.
(Blame the alcohol. I've been drinking the stuff solidly for the last few days all day long. My brain now no longer works. I haven't shaved in pretty much a week and the last time I changed my clothes was five days ago. I could really do with a shower too. I had beer for breakfast this morning as I knew I wouldn't be able to make it into uni today from the pain in my brain. Hence I'm still somewhat drunk - perhaps dehydrated and very very tired is a better way of putting it. I haven't been to bed before sunrise these last few days ...)
Umm, and I think that's that. I have had some inspired moments during these recent drink & smoke sessions, but the lack of pen and paper or better a keyboard means they've been lost - sorry! And oh - my apologies to all those I haven't emailed back recently - there's a ten message backlog I still need to clear. Will do as of next Friday if possible ...
So it all points to next Friday/Saturday. Hopefully on Sat I'll be in London for Smokey Bear's, if anyone reading will be there then I'll see you there. I'll be the one who looks scruffy, smells a bit and looks really fucked - as in a permanent kind of way. Ooo, my head's really hurting now, so I think I'll adjourn to the bar. Need more drink to combat pain. I'll talk to you again probably next Sunday, hopefully the connection will be up by then so I can go back to using FrontPage. Until then, be happy, and don't do my life or you'll regret it ... ;)