Tuesday 31st October 2006: 8.42pm. It's not been a fun few weeks recently. There has been a run of bad events, and I'm hoping it will stop soon and things turn around.
Chronological is good. The Future Society events have not seen much attendance which is not good, and it was very small at the last lecture on the 12th with about six people. On Friday the 13th a bifurcation point occurred in St. Andrews for almost everyone we know, whereby the system shifted from an old pattern into a new and it was really from this point onwards that things changed. Shortly thereafter my laptop blew up which sucked up much of my free time as I retrieved the contents of its hard drive. Johanna broke off our relationship on the night of Monday the 23rd which then led to a whole pile of ripple - in addition to me entering a depression, some close friends failed to be there for me, one for the second time, so last Sunday the 29th I told them I was breaking off regular contact (ie; regular coffee dates) as I was done giving and not getting gratitude, appreciation nor them being there for me when I needed them for once. This caused one of them to self-destruct last night, and I got mad that Johanna was not suffering in my then opinion as much as I was and so I hurt her, and hurt her bad.
Which leads to today. Needless to say things are not going well for me currently, and I'd rather like it to end soon. But end it sooner than it requires will only cause things to reappear worse later on, so I'm going to just have to maintain as best I can. I have a great deal of reflection to do about why our relationship broke up, what I did to cause it and what's going to come next - how to resurrect this situation from the ashes (not that I mean getting us back together, that's done for sure, but rather how to turn all this to something good). Mercifully, we have reading week next week so I have breathing space. I am intending to stay here alone in my home and try to contain the splash of my current bad mood.
I will of course do a little coding - I always find that helps, and as my development system was the laptop I need to migrate everything back to the desktop when I get time. I'll also do a fair bit of study as I have major catch up to do in Management and there's a class test after the break. Hopefully, if I soldier on, the answers will come.
Be happy everyone!
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